Five Questions Izzie Meant To Ask Addison
by angelic1hp
Summary: ...Before She Left Seattle and One She Did  Izzie's relationship with her attending through a series of unanswered questions  AddisonIzzie  femslash


_A/N: So there I am, padding about on deleterius, laughing my ass off and this pops into my head. I have no idea why. It's completely unrelated to sporking, Potter, Sues or snark!crack. shrugs It's quite sad really… And a little bit sexy ;) This fic is (hopefully) the first step to get my arse in gear to continue with TIAP (always good to flex the I/A muscles.) As always, am sitting outside in the rain with a big pot labelled 'feedback' giving you all the sad puppy eyes…_

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_Five Questions Izzie Meant To Ask Addison Before She Left Seattle (and One She Did)_

1. '_Why did she do that to me with the Quint's?_'

This is - bizarrely - Izzie Stevens' only thought at this precise moment. Not '_Oh God, my boss is kissing me! My_ _**hot,**__**female**__ boss!'_; Or '_Fuck! What's happening? Why is she kissing me? Did I do something good? Wait - Did I do something _bad_?' _; Or even '_Mmm, I'd forgotten how much I like kissing. Or do I just like __**this**__ kissing?_'

Still Izzie wonders what happened there – And why Addison put her through that. She thinks that anyone who kisses this _softlygentlysweetly _and makes her feel _this_ special with an illicit snog and a grope against the wall outside Joe's could never do what she did without good reason.

Izzie means to ask, but her mouth is rather busy at the present moment.

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2. '_Has she ever dyed her red hair_?'

Izzie wonders, her thumb lazily circling Addison's pert nipple. Addison's recovering from quite a fierce orgasm and (as Izzie had found out through experience) Addison usually prefers a full five minutes of silence and immobility to recuperate. Izzie supposes that's why Addison attacks her first because somehow the intern can find it inside herself to reciprocate almost immediately after coming.

_Wicked woman, wicked game plan, _Izzie thinks, licking her lips. She stares down at Addison: an arm thrown over her eyes, her breathing heavy and a furious crimson blush on her chest. She could devour Addison whole, given half the chance.

Izzie fingers the dark red locks fanned out on the pillow and runs a thumb over Addison's forehead. Such a deep, enchanting colour; It makes Izzie wonder if she's ever tried to change it for something less striking. Something that would allow her to fade into the background – not that she believes a woman of Addison's calibre ever could. But Izzie wonders, aware she knows so little of Addison's life. She wonders, especially now that the reverse question had been silently answered (which, of course, was '_is Addison a natural red head?'_).

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3. _'Does she still love Derek?'_

Sometimes when Addison's in a room with Derek and Meredith together, Izzie notices a flash of fury in her pale blue eyes. Izzie hopes that anger is directed at Meredith for being a whore instead of at Derek because she's still bitter.

Sometimes, Izzie doesn't even think there is a difference. She's just making excuses. Surely either one would mean that she's still in love with her ex husband?

Sometimes, Izzie invents wild excuses so she doesn't have to be in the same room as all three. She doesn't want her jealousy to overcome her. She doesn't want Meredith to read her and find out there's something going on. She doesn't want Addison mad at her and for this wonderful _thing_ to be over. She doesn't want to hate Derek – he's not a bad person – but she knows she will if she sees that look of Addison's again.

Sometimes, just before Addison tries to kiss her, Izzie tries to force the question from her lips. But it just won't come. So she shuts up, and lets Addison kiss her instead.

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4. _'Could she see a future with me?'_

Izzie knows that Addison likes having sex with her. It's very obvious. Actually, it turns her on to maddening extremes to think of how much Addison desires her. She loves the fact that the red head will capitalise on any opportunity to tear clothes from flesh, smother lips to her own and make her shudder.

Often Izzie pauses and stares at Addison as she re-dresses. She watches Addison slip carefully back into the costume and affix the mask she wears outside of their 'encounters' and can't tell in which visage Addison is more at ease. Is it when she strides through the corridors, her expensive heels clacking, protected by her white coat and hair in tight bun? Or is it when she lies beneath Izzie, completely elated and breathless with desperation?

Izzie likes to think that Addison is more herself with her than anyone before. It almost doesn't matter if it's true or not. There's such a naked vulnerability to Addison when she slides her arms around Izzie's waist and sighs on her shoulder.

Izzie likes the intimate touches even more than the carnal pleasure. She would prefer a hug to an orgasm. She looks at Addison, tucks back the red hair and smiles. She really does think this could work, given the chance.

Izzie thinks she would be a good girlfriend. If it ever came to that. She's quite sure of it.

She wishes she could tell Addison that. She wishes Addison would tell her first.

-

5. _'Why am I the last to know she's leaving?'_

This is all Izzie can think as she hears the news second-hand, perhaps even third-hand as she accidentally eavesdrops on a Nurse's conversation.

"Dr Montgomery's leaving, did you hear? Apparently she's off to California."

"Heard that the other day. She probably can't stand living and working in Seattle beside her ex-husband and his ex-best friend. I don't blame her. I would've gone earlier if I was her."

"Well she's got nothing to stay here for, has she?"

Izzie can't actually breathe for a moment. Breathing is supposed to be an unconscious action, yet Izzie cannot inhale for the life of her.

She has to run to the bathroom to drench her face in water. She stares at her reflection; heart thumping, gulping oxygen and making no effort to curb the fall of her tears.

_How could she have not told me?_

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6. (_And one she did…_)

Izzie waits until the very last moment of the very last night they would spend together. She's on-call and begs Meredith to cover for her for a few hours so she can sneak off to have what Addison referred to (while in the throes of pleasure) as a 'Farewell Fuck'. Addison never usually talks dirty to Izzie (there was that one time when Addison was quite drunk…) She hardly even swears. So these words ring in her ears as Izzie attaches and invents meaning to them. 'Fuck' in reference to sex is something that has never appealed to Izzie. She's been no angel, but she doesn't like to think that she's 'fucked' anyone.

Izzie is now all but convinced that is all Addison ever saw in her.

This pretty blonde intern. This easy _fuck._

She can feel the deep ache stinging her as these thoughts parade through her mind.

Izzie leaves shortly after Addison comes to rest. She has to get back to let Meredith go home. She can't believe it's all going to end like this.

She reluctantly opens the door to leave and winces as she turns away from Addison for the last time. She holds the image in her head of Addison tangled in the white hotel sheets, looking thoroughly exhausted yet somehow transcendent.

Still not looking back at her (for if she did, she may never take her eyes away) Izzie swallows and whispers, "Did you love me?"

Addison hears her. Izzie can see the image in her mind, sitting bolt upright, looking as if something unnecessary and confusing had just infected the memory of their time together. Addison stays silent.

Izzie nods and leaves. That would be the last time she saw Addison Montgomery. Izzie sighs as she walks away, furious at herself for wanting to cry.

At least Izzie got to ask her one question before she left.


End file.
